Thursday, March 15, 2007

Jen: Married to the Military

It’s Mrs. Koszewski!! Haha! Well, lately my life has been very stressful and lonely. Being a newlywed has a different meaning in the military than it does in a "normal" relationship. Jake and I got married on December 22, and he has been gone since January 3rd- training for his job. We haven't had anytime together and when we do, he is studying for a major test that he has to pass. Military wives - HOW DO YOU DO IT?! I am seriously going crazy over here...moving FAR FAR away from home to be with the one you love, and then never seeing them? It is so hard for me. I don't know anyone here, and it is really affecting me. I am very close to my family and moving here to be with my husband was extremely hard. When I am upset or lonely I can't just go home and talk to mom or my best friends whenever. We have a 6 hour difference between us. When I am sleeping they are working, and when I am done working.. They are sleeping!! It is getting so hard for me to cope with my husband being gone, and I definitely give you wives credit who have done it for years! If you are young and getting ready to marry a soldier, I have some advice. Remember- when you marry a soldier, you are not only marrying him, but you are also marrying the military. You have to be prepared for it. That’s one thing that I was not prepared for. When Jake and I were together, before he joined, we had our own schedule. My husband and I now feel like the military controls us. We see each other whenever. I drop him off at work and who knows when he will be done at work that day?! Sometimes he calls me and tells me that he has to stay overnight in the field. It is so stressful. I just really need some reassurance from you other military wives that it does get easier, and that the time does pay off in the end! I miss my soldier so much, and I can't wait to see him again on March 28th!

Labels: , , , ,


At March 15, 2007 at 4:01 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey jen. i just recently got married too on dec.20th and he is in the military as well...i was just wondering do you have a myspace and if so what is it?

At March 15, 2007 at 8:14 PM , Blogger m-m said...

hi you guys i am just here to say hi and to see how everything is going well i just want to say that you dont worry about your husband because i am going through the same thing and my husband even said that he saw your husband and that they are really good friends. well i guess i will talk to you later bye!!!!

At March 15, 2007 at 9:02 PM , Anonymous Lacy said...

Hey Jen,
I just read this blog and I was just gonna write and let you know that it does get easier. Its just really hard at first, and yes when you marry and soldier your not just marrying them your marrying the MILITARY!! They dont care that they soldiers have wifes and kids they just care about their soliders. To them the wifes and kids come second if they care that much, but it does get easier just hang in there. Well I was just gonna tell ya about that. Yall stay strong. :)

At March 15, 2007 at 10:11 PM , Blogger quentcal said...

I am a Military wife and have been for 6 years. My Husband and I where married when I was 20 and he was 21, fresh out of basic and a few weeks before he was to be stationed in Germany. 6 years, 3 deployments, 1 Son, and countless lonley nights/days....we are stronger and more in love with eachother than ever before. I still feel blessed to be his wife and want to be with him more than I want my next breath sometimes. It will never be easy to say "goodbye" or to deal with Army life, but, I would rather wait forever for him then not have him at all. Everyday he is gone is one day closer to his return.

At March 16, 2007 at 7:59 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

From one military wife to another, you've just got to stay committed. To eachother and to the marriage. The sweeter moments in life are yet to come. There is no formula to being a miltary wife. You've got to keep focused on your own personal goals, share your love for eachother, and forget about all the rest!
Don't count the days, make the days count - together or apart!

At March 16, 2007 at 9:38 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought ya'll were the coolest couple. Ya'll learned to work with each other and found out that ya'll were stronger than you thought. I felt bad for you but in a way glad becasue you handled things better than I could have. Well good luck!

At March 16, 2007 at 1:14 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi jen,
I am a military wife also. We have been married for 3 and a half years. we have spent one year together. he is now in iraq. I know its hard to believe but it does get a little easier. the best advice i can give you is never take each other for granted. we moved to germany so i do know how hard it is to be away from family. i have friends in germany but not many it is a hard situation. just keep your head up and remember that you are not the only one out there we are here for you.

At March 16, 2007 at 2:02 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Jen!

I am a Military wife I just wanted to say it does get easier, my hubby is deployed and I'm living by myself and don't really know anybody here, so I know where your coming from. It does get easier you just gotta take one step at a time

At March 16, 2007 at 3:06 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi my name is cristine and i have lived the military life all my life. Born an air force brat and soon to be married to a PFC of the USMC i completely understand what you are going through. I haven't seen him for five months this past years and things are super hard and lonely. But i kno that every second that passes is a second i am closer to being with him. You just have to be strong and realize that all of this is temporary. I lived in hawaii for four years when i was younger and i know there isn't much to do on that island but i think that we military girlfriends and wives get to experience things that normal couples don't and we learn to appreciate our time with our men cuz we never know when they are going to leave, which makes us and our relationships stronger. We truely are one of a kind.

At March 16, 2007 at 7:57 PM , Blogger Star27 said...

Jen, It does get easier with time, I think it's the stronger your bond grows with time, makes it all that much easier w/ the time away. Just knowing you have each other. My husband is on his second deployment and I haven't seen him in 8 months, and I will pick him up on March 29th, so, I'm right there with you counting down the days, 13 more to go for me!!! Hang in there!

At March 16, 2007 at 8:01 PM , Blogger Star27 said...

Jen, From experience, I think it does get easier, because as time goes by, the bond you have gets stronger and that's what holds it together and makes the distance a little easier, just knowing you have each other. My husband is on his second deployment and I haven't seen him in 8 months. I will see him on March 29th, so I"m right there with you counting down the days, 13 more to go for me!!! Hang in there!

At March 16, 2007 at 9:11 PM , Anonymous Sharon said...

2 more days till you get to see him! I get married to my man in the army on june 23. He's stationed in el paso, tx. till ??. He came home for Christmas and I visited him last month and plan on visiting him next month, but I won't officially be able to be with him until june when he graduates and we get married. Bottom line I know what you're going through...all of us military wives or soon to be military wives do!

At March 17, 2007 at 8:44 AM , Anonymous Ashlee said...

Im here to tell you that it is not going to be easy at all, I got married when I was 18, then had twins, and now he's deployed!! It is very hard, but you have to be strong for them...and yes, I wont lie, there are many lonely nights but going through all of this has made our love for each other stronger than ever!! I wish you the best of luck, and remember you are stronger than you think...take care

At March 17, 2007 at 11:14 AM , Anonymous gaby austin said...


My boyfriend is a US Marine, we have been together through boot camp and can't wait till i turn 18 so we can get married...i think that you should join because it is a great way to make new friends and not feel soo lonely when he is away, you can meet other military wifes around you in a safe way.

<333 hope it helps

At March 17, 2007 at 1:17 PM , Anonymous Mrs. Barrois said...

Hey Jen. Don't worry things do get easier. I got married when I was only 18 and my husband was 20. I am 20 now. He too is in the military and we have an 8 month old daughter. I know what you are going through, but trust me you're not alone. There are plenty of other wives in your shoes! I have lived in 3 different states in the last two years, so I know how hard things can be. Just know it doesn't last forever! Good luck :)

At March 17, 2007 at 1:24 PM , Blogger American Cat said...

I'm a military fiancee. My future husband proposed to me right before he was deployed so I didn't get the chance to marry him before he left. It also wouldn't be right for my parents, since I am the only daughter. Already, though, I feel like a military wife with all the responsibilities he left me with: keeping any of his stuff that didn't go into storage, getting things to him that he might need, sending the monthly care package, the weekly letter, the constant e-mails. Believe me, it becomes a full-time job as you have discovered. Even before he proposed, his schedule was hell, going into the field for training and so forth. It does suck. But, sometimes, what gets me through it, other than working my butt off during my last semester of college and job searches, is things that my fiancee might like when he comes back--things I can bake for him, be the voice of reason before he goes on his shopping spree, etc.. It makes it easier sometimes, cause then you can imagine the surprise on his face when he sees all those things, like baked goodies. Believe me, after the first few months, it gets a lot better. And this is my first deployment. It sucks! Don't worry, you are not alone. Just make sure that you enjoy yourself once in a while: get a manicure, do something wild with your hair (I cut mine to donate to Locks of Love), or go for a spa day. It makes things a little easier. Stay strong, it gets better.

At March 17, 2007 at 4:27 PM , Anonymous Nacole said...

Hey Jen...

How do I deal with being a military wife? ALOT of patience and understanding and most of all, COMMUNICATION. It's hard being married to a soldier but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'm fortunate that where we are stationed right now the families/wives are important and pushed to the side as if that whole "If we wanted you to have a wife we would have issued you one in basic." doesn't apply here. I just hate the town beyond belief. Other than that...communicate alot with one another, learn to let the small things go (trust me on this one) cause they are just that..small things. My husband is due to deploy shortly for an 18 month tour in Iraq, again, his 3rd tour...THAT is tough but I just suck it up and know this is the life I chose. We've been together 6 yrs but married since June 2006. Good Luck Jen!! Patience, Communication, Understanding..and all will be ok. :-)

At March 17, 2007 at 6:51 PM , Blogger Thomas Mathisen said...

It is so hard being a military wife. I was in the military for a few years and met my husband. I got out, but he has stayed in. I felt the same way that you do now. We moved to Missouri and I didn't know anyone. I just sat around the house at first doing nothing. We have been here almost 5 years! It took me a good 2 years before I really got used to being a military wife. I kept thinking "I could be in college and having a blast!" or "what would my life be like if I had stayed in Georgia?:. My husband is on this crazy detachment where he is gone 2-3 weeks a month. He has been doing this for 3 years now! We have 2 kids together. They keep me busy. I worked GS on post for awhile but now I stay at home with my boys. Now, I can't imagine NOT being a military wife! The military has a lot to offer if your husband chooses to stay in. You got to live in Hawaii! You guys could go to Germany... who knows! He won't always have the job that he has now and will probably have a job in the future where he is home a lot more. But, I know what it is like to want to get out. My husband has talked about it in the past. The Army just pays you enough to keep you in :) Hang in there!!

At March 17, 2007 at 7:23 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Jen, First of I'm originally from Cleveland and all of my family lives there, so I know you must miss it like crazy! But what I wanted to say was that my boyfriend is in the military, and I am moving across the country to be with him in just a few short months. While it's scary to leave a job I love as well as my parents, I can't wait to start my new life with him. However, he will be deployed for his 3rd time to Iraq this coming January, so I am already dreading being left alone somewhere where I have no friends or family. Being away from him is hard enough now, and we can talk and email and text each other all day! Just wanted to commend you for being as strong as you are... I'm 28 and freaking out, so I think it's incredible that you are going through this at a young age. But I know it's all worth it! I was once told that it isn't always easy, it isn't always fun, but it's always worth it... I wish the two of you the best of everything.

At March 18, 2007 at 1:10 AM , Anonymous Casey said...


I have to say out of all the Engaged and Undersage episodes I have watched yours touched me the most. I thought I would commentto possibly ask for advice on pretty much anything... and to pretty much any of you military wives out there.

I'm 17 about to marry my best friend of two years. He joined the U.S. Army Reserves this past summer and when he returned from AIT we got back together. He's my best friend in the whole world and we've been through a lot together. He proposed to me on Feb. 14th (cute day for me =D) and of course I said yes. But telling our story isn't the real reason I am commenting. I recently learned that he will be deployed within the next few months... and of course I am left with a TON of worries and what nots. We were going to wait another year before we decided to tie the knot seeing how I'm REALLY underage... but now hearing the news that he may be gone for up to two years I'm highly confused and concerned.

I don't really know anyone around where I live that could offer good advice so I turned here. I am so happy for you and anyone else who has gotten married to a military soldier and lasted and I hope to keep seeing that as I grow up...

I just need advice. Help please?

I have a myspace and if you have any thing to offer please send it my way

At March 18, 2007 at 7:38 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Jenn,my name is jenn also lol....I just got married to a soldiar in the Army in Dec and it hasnt been easy...We also have a baby and I am stuck at home alone raising her all alone 6 days a week sometimes 7 days..It definately gets frustrating but it does have its benifits as well...We are young and most married couples struggle, we actually have it a lot easier financially because of the military..I'm sure u know about all that...There is a price to pay marrying young but its worth it at the end of the day...Oh yeah and if u do have a myspace that would be great to know...

At March 18, 2007 at 8:31 AM , Anonymous yvette said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At March 18, 2007 at 4:08 PM , Anonymous Liz said...

Hey Jen,

I'm also a military life and I can totally understand not having much time with your husband. My husband and I got married in August, he shipped out to basic in September, and I have only seen him a few times since. We had our baby in November and it has been hard to raise my first child by myself, but I have just tried to remember that he is trying to earn us money and trying to take care of our country. You're definitely right when you say that you're not just marrying them, but you're also marrying the military too. I've had my moments of being frustrated with it, but I do have to say that for me, it is getting easier. Good luck with life and if you have a myspace, send me a line sometime. I would definitely like to get to know more military wives that I can speak with.

At March 18, 2007 at 5:41 PM , Anonymous Jessica said...

I understand what your saying and how hard it is to be a military wife. I got married on New Years Eve and my husband is in the army. He is stationed in Germany and I am still here in Michigan. We get to talk briefly once a day but I haven't seen him since Jan. 4th, 5 days after our wedding. I am waiting for sponsorship so I can hopefully join him. Its been three months now though and no word. if you wanna message me I would love to talk to someone who can relate. Also if you go to they have really cool support forums there and they can answer all of your questions!

At March 19, 2007 at 2:02 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey jen,
i was really touched by your episode the most. my boyfriend is in the marines, he just came back from san antonio a few months ago but, before that he was in san antonio for training and he was suppose to be coming home for christmas but, he had to report to san antonio instead, it was really hard because we were looking forward to seeing him for at least a few days. at the time we already had our 1 year old daughter and when he left the first time i was pregnant again with our second one. it was really hard trying to keep myself after all the stress he came back home to hawaii where we live and we made the decision together that it was time for him to try something else besides the military. for us it was a good choice because now hes home everyday and he gets to be with me and our girls and he doesn't miss out on anything. i wish u and jake the best. take care and just hang in there.

At March 19, 2007 at 9:32 AM , Blogger Tiffany said...

You are so lucky to have such a wonderful husband. I am 22, have been married for about 2.5 years, with a 3 year old. You have problems within your marriage because of the lack of time you see each other because of his job; I have problems in my marriage because I ALWAYS see my husband because of his lack of having a job. You two have a very wonderful, loving relationship which I think is the most wonderful thing in the world. Cherish that and hold onto it tight. While he is gone from you, remember that he is doing it to support his family (you), and any family to come (children). I try to push my husband into the army, just so that he will do something. They won't take him though. So, again, cherish the man that stands by your side. They are not all made like him. Lastly, I know how it feels to be lonely. I just relocated from Connecticut,to Missouri. I do not know anybody and all of my family is in CT. If you need an ear to talk to, I would be glad to listen.

At March 19, 2007 at 9:53 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey jen, i totally understand how you feel. my fiance is serving in iraq for his second time in two years. he has been gone since july 2006 but he'll return sometime in october. we are actually getting married on November 10 of this year and i'm totally excited. it's not at all easy to have your loved one gone and facing such dangerous challenges. you have to keep your faith in God and know that he is watching over Jake. Scrapbooking is a great way to deal with stress. i also work fulltime, go to school fulltime and i'm a fulltime mommy so my schedule is usually pretty hectic. i will keep you in my prayers for this will not be easy. take care and stay strong for yourself and your soldier. Life is never easy but God always has a plan...

At March 19, 2007 at 11:02 AM , Blogger LilBit3220 said...

hey I am almost 19 and dating a 20 year old for almost 6 months and he is leaving for the air force in three months and will be away for about 33 weeks. I was wondering how you handle the absence of the love of your life? Do you have an email?

At March 19, 2007 at 1:32 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

My Husband and I our both young ish and he is in the miltary we have been married 8 months but only been together 4 and he will still be gone 7 more months. One web site I want to recomend to all the miltary wives out there is it has forams to right and ask questions very good site. Hope it helps all the wives out there.

At March 19, 2007 at 2:31 PM , Blogger MyMarine2110 said...

Hi Jenn! I just got married Dec 31 and my husband is in the Marines. He is stationed in NC and we are from PA and Im moving down there in a few weeks. We also just had a son (hes 7 weeks old) and its so hard with him not being able to be home with us. Hes been in the Marines now for 2 years and he has 2 left and it doesnt get just get used to it. Do you have a myspace?

At March 19, 2007 at 2:34 PM , Blogger ilovemymarine said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At March 19, 2007 at 2:36 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey jen wow u guys r the cutest couple out of the whole show i wannna wish u and your husband the best in the world n good luck with your career as a pediatric nurse and your husband in da military.

At March 19, 2007 at 4:15 PM , Blogger Brittany said...

Hey Jen,

I recently got married to a guy in the army too, December 19th.
the whole time we've been married, we've probably only spent a month together, it's a tough job but it takes a tough woman. Just keep your chin up, with his upcoming deployment also, thats really hard. If you want to talk more about it just hit me up on myspace

At March 19, 2007 at 5:48 PM , Blogger Proud Army Wife said...

Things do get easier eventually. I married my husband and the Army a year ago when I was 20 and I felt the same way. Now Im 8 months pregnant and hoping I can hold out till the husband gets home! It sounds like you are doing good, keep the time with him good and keep yourself busy when hes gone. Hang in there!

At March 19, 2007 at 7:05 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Jen-
I will be celebrating my 2 year anniversary in May. I am not "underage" I am 28 years old and married to a great man in the USAF and will be moving to Hickam AFB on April 1st. My husband is a native Hawaiian and we currently reside in TX so he is very excited to be going home and I on the other hand am nervous to be moving farther away from my family. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I feel ya'.

At March 19, 2007 at 7:22 PM , Blogger Redneck Girlfriend said...

Hey Jen... I'm still in high school and my boyfriend is going to go into the marines and i am signed up already to be in the air force but he would really like me to go with him and live with him when he is in the marines...i really don't know if i should go with him or stay in my own branch of the military and make it work over four years..So what i am trying to get at is it worth it everyday? Because you say you wish you would have went to college...

At March 19, 2007 at 7:24 PM , Anonymous Kelly said...

Hey there! So yes like all the other ladies who left comments I am married to the military as well. It has it's ups and downs. I really haven't seen much of my husband for the year and a half that we have been married. Right after we got married he got deployed for a year, he came home for four months and then they shipped him out again :( It stinks. But the seperation will only make you stronger!! Hang in there. You know that us military girls have to stick together to help one another get through it! So if any of you ladies need someone I'm here for ya all! Myspace name ksnyder24. Take care!!

At March 19, 2007 at 7:53 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Jen,
I hope you don't think me crazy for leaving you a comment. I am probably older than the others, but I had to write. I, too got married young to a soldier(18) plus we had a child. My daughter saw this and told me about it and I had to wish you the best and tell you to hang in there. It does get better and easier. We were told that we were young also, but let me tell you, we are now going on 16 yrs of marriage, 16 yrs of being married to the military, 2 kids later, 7 deployments later, many, many nights alone we are still going strong. We are now living under unusual circumstances. My teenage kids and I live in Illinois while he is stationed in Georgia finishing his last 4 1/2 yrs. We've been doing this for about 2 yrs, but because we are dedicated to each other we make it work. So, I just wanted to wish you luck and give you some encouragement. If we can do 16yrs of being married (and many years ahead of us) then you can surely do it, too. You take care!! and be strong!!!

At March 19, 2007 at 9:19 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Jen,

My husband and I got married young. My parents had to sign for me, I was 17 and he was 19. And in less than two weeks, we will hit our 14th Wedding Anniversary. He's been in the military 15 years. Being a military spouse has been hard and easy. We're from Alabama, and a month after we got married we moved to Maryland and then a year later to Germany for three years. While in Germany I worked 7 days a week. I had three jobs. Not not working all three in one day, but I stayed busy. He stayed in the field a lot, working late, and deployed for 6 months. It was scarey living in a foreign country for 6 months by myself, but I worked a lot and time flew by. I was glad that I made friends before he deployed. And if I didn't make any, I still stayed busy working all the time. It's good to make friends, but be careful with whom you choose. There are some that talk way too much stay clear from them. (The ones that want to be heard, the ones that want attention!) If your husband deploys, wait to get your info. from your husband (and keep that info. to yourself) or wait until you get a message from the 1SG or CPT/or higher ranking, or the 1SG's or CPT's wife. Trust me, I had to straighten out a spouse giving out other spouses wrong info. from a deployment. This is my 5th deployment and that girl had never been through a deployment and she was giving out the wrong info. So don't listen unless it comes from the higher ups. We've also been to other duty stations on the east coast, and we hope we're done with all overseas tours, but with the military you sometimes never know where you'll go. When he left for Iraq three years ago, I found out I was pregnant the same week he left. He was gone 6 months, so he was here in time to see our daughter born. And when she was 7 months old he left for Afghanistan for 6 months. When he returned I got pregnant again. I had our son 6 months ago, now my husband has been gone two months. Our son won't know him besides the pictures I show him and video's. Their Daddy will be away for a year. It's harder on them than it is me, yes I miss him, but I'm more worried about him and the kids. After 10 years of trying to have kids we finally get them and then he's gone a lot. Just stay busy with going to school/working and less time partying and staying at home not doing anything. Get out of the house every now and then, find the right crowd to hang around with. Not saying you shouldn't hang around with single girls, but it will be easier to be around married wives that don't act single. Anyways, take care and I hope to meet you two someday on a military base somewhere. And remember to spend as much time with one another, because you'll regret it when they're gone. One last thing, the first two-five years of married are the hardest. And with the military it can be even harder, just stay strong. Army Strong!

At March 19, 2007 at 10:08 PM , Anonymous Ashley said...

Hi Jen,
I know what u are going thru. My husband is also in the Military. And It is hard, he gets deployed every other year. I am 22 years old and we have been married for almost 2 years. Just keep remembering why u are doing this because of the love u have 4 him. And how proud u are that he is sacraficing so much 4 er'1 including ur family! Stay strong!!! It is very hard being in a marriage and a million times harder when the military is involved. I get 2 the point sometimes where I jus want 2 give up but I think 2 myself how much my hubby does 4 er'1 and how proud I am of him and remember all the good times we have and our love 4 one another. If u can survive him not being home and the deployments ur relationship can withstand nething! If u ever neeed 2 talk feel free 2 email me or if u have a myspace let me kno becuz i do and u can add me!!! I'm always up 4 meeting new military wives!!!

At March 19, 2007 at 10:12 PM , Blogger spazzygirl said...

you are adorable, i watched you on the show and completely loved you. I hope you have found stuff to keep you distracted til you're man gets back to you since the time you wrote this.. wish you two the best. =]

At March 19, 2007 at 11:22 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Jen! I am getting married to my boyfriend/babys father in August. He is currently in Afghanistan and will HOPEFULLY be back in August for our sons birthday. We plan on doing it then. It is hard at first to not be with the one you love, but we met in the military, so I kinda understand the system... KINDA being the key word. The only advice I can give you is, dont watch the news if he goes over seas. It will kill you to hear about the suicide bombers and all the bad. I know first hand that they just show the bad. Oh and they cant call all the time and you may not hear from them as much as you would like, but like the saying goes, No news is good news... Well I hope you stay strong and keep the love and support cause thats all they need right now.

At March 20, 2007 at 1:11 AM , Blogger Rachel & Brian said...

Hey Jen, My names Rachel. I noticed how you said you're having a lot of trouble meeting other people. Check out Its a great board for all us military wives here in Hawaii-lots of support/information, etc.
Hope to see you on!

At March 20, 2007 at 1:21 AM , Blogger tylerray05 said...

hey jen.
Im about to get married to a Coast Guard. He is stationed in washington DC. Im so happy to be getting married but its going to be hard for me b/c im live in Cali and i have to leve my family and friends and i know im going to not know anyone .Im 20 and my fiance is 22. so we are young too . He works all the time and like in dec. he was down and was going to stay down here for 10 days but he got called back after he was here for 3 days. how everything going for you and be alway all the time ?

At March 20, 2007 at 1:47 AM , Anonymous Peggy said...

Honey it does get easier I promise I am a fellow armywife I have been for 5 years now and I am on my husbands second deployement, Like you we also got married young I was just barely 19 and so was he.. The army life is hard, but it is rewarding also it makes the time that you do have with your husband more meaningful. I know that sometimes that you want to just give up and say F this I hate the army I hate that I never know what is going to happen from day to day, but you get used to it.. get involved with your FRG if it is worth the effort(some just really suck it is hit or miss) and make some friends with fellow wives that are going through the same things as you.. Even though you have friends back home that you can talk to you they dont really understand the whole concept of being a army wife, and also you are in Hawaii damn girl you are lucky I wish we could get stationed there!!!

At March 20, 2007 at 12:33 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Congrats!!! that is so exciting. i bet it is hard for you, i am going through a similar situation my boyfrind of 1 year leaves every month t odo work with the army, & i always feel so lonely, but it's okay girl we will get through it & wait anixously for them to come home. Jen do you plan on having any kids? if so how soon? it will keep you busy when he's gone.

At March 20, 2007 at 12:43 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey jen i am young and not married hoping to marry someday ho but i loved your episode you guys were o cute and yea stay strong and itll pul through beside yo got love and him so bye and dont worry

ps i am like only 15 but im mature ha ha ha ha

At March 20, 2007 at 2:01 PM , Anonymous Christy Nolan said...

Hi! I know you don't know me, but I have been married to my husband for over 3 years. He is in the military as well. The one thing I know is the hardest is him being gone. Its when you get married and you think you will have all the time in the world with them, but unfortunately you don't. My one word of advice is find something that you enjoy for example school, scrapbooking, social support groups. Or maybe find a part time job that will work with your schedules. Well if you have any questions please feel free to ask.

At March 20, 2007 at 9:09 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

i just want to say that i liked your engaged the two were brave to get married so young and i hope for all the best

At March 20, 2007 at 10:40 PM , Anonymous Briana said...

hey jen,

I know everyone is saying they know what you're going through but i think i really do. my guy is going through the same things as yours, ranger stuff all that. i am currently living all by myself with out knowing anyone as well. it's so hard i know but it does get easier. the funny thing is, is that you are in my home town. i grew up right down the road, in aiea, so all my friends are there. if you want to meet people there let me know. it would also be nice to have someone to talk to that knows what i'm going through. do you have a myspace?

At March 20, 2007 at 10:46 PM , Anonymous Julie D said...

I feel your pain. My fiance lives in Japan and I will see him for about 4 days from last November to probably the Summer of 2008 (when he comes back from Iraq). It is crazy hard. I am in my last year of college and trying to handle my emotions and our relationship all at the same time. It is true though, every time I see him again after a few months, it is the most romatic thing...butterflies and all. Some people lose that after they have been together for this long. I feel lucky to be the future wife of a Marine, and sad at the same time that I am setting myself up to have a hard life.

At March 20, 2007 at 11:16 PM , Blogger InfantryWife said...

Hey Jen,
I recently just married a guy in the army also (1 March 07). We married young too Im 18 and he's 26 so I know how you feel. I totally understand when you say you are working two jobs to keep your mind busy while Jake is gone. My hubby is in the infantry and it is hard knowing he deploys to the front lines. It is so true when they say not only are you marrying the soldier, but you're marrying the military too. I wish the best for both of you and congrats.

At March 21, 2007 at 12:22 AM , Blogger innocentbabyslave said...

you absolutely expressed everything that I, myself, have come across for about 2 months now. while reading your blog, i've came to realized that i am not alone in this kind of situation.
im from hawaii and currently in texas since january of this year. i got married when i was 20 (he was 21) but in a hush-up manner. until now, my parents have no clue that we're already married (or maybe they know a little bit but they just want to hear it directly from us). I am afraid to do so because im from a catholic family who assume to finish college right after HS. like you, im almost always alone in the house and you probably know why. Away from home, family, and friends; a little supply of time from my husband including the fact that i dont have a job yet, no friends, and still looking for the right school is pretty stressful to handle. sometimes i feel like this my downfall and im about to breakdown.

well, to sum up everything, i just really want to thank you, the show, and this blogger for coming up with this brilliant idea. you dont know how much people you've connected with (o: hey, im open for any interaction (lOl)

At March 21, 2007 at 4:07 AM , Anonymous Jillian said...

hey hey jen...well I see that you are asking about the whole military thing and well I got married to my soldier on sept 18th, 2006 and we had someone marry us and well then on dec. 22nd we had a actually ceremony and reception then... but before we got married the say when you marry me your also marrying the military... so I know how you feel, but my hubby doesn't deploy till the april 6th to iraq and it's going to be the hardest thing ever for me, cause we have been able to spend time with each other for now and well he was in the field for 2 weeks in february... and that was hard for me but I think in time it will get better.

At March 22, 2007 at 9:40 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

My name is monie and I am a military wife. In addition to that, I am a military brat and a veteran (I just got out last year). So my whole life has been the military. My husband and I have been married for 5 years (together for 6). The best advice I can give you is to make a life outside of your marriage. My husband is away a lot more than yours (he's an officer, in the signal corp and his unit is ALWAYS in the field). Make friends at your college and involve yourself in activities that you like. When my husband goes away, it sucks but at the same time I can do all the things that he doesn't want to do with me (like check out girly movies). You just have to make the time count when you are with him. You can't focus on how much he is away because it will only make you bitter and angry. It is worth it and you have to tell yourself (even if it's 100 times a day), that HE is worth it.

At March 22, 2007 at 2:43 PM , Anonymous ~Jen~ said...

It will get easier over time. My husband and I have been together for 3 1/2 years and in Aug. we will be married 2 years. We are surviving our second deployment to Iraq right now. He left 3 weeks after I gave birth to our baby girl. It was hard moving away from our family and friends to a place I didn't know anyone, but I met some wonderful military wives and we help eachother out. It helps when there is someone there who understands exactly what your going through. Other friends and family can say they understand but it's kinda hard for them to really understand when their not in your shoes. Be strong for yourself and your husband.

At March 22, 2007 at 4:29 PM , Anonymous Jenenvraya said...

I understand what you got in to. I was an A.F. Cop. I met my husband at work. but we are on dif. shifts now so I see him .... Maybe an hour a day on days of work. take time out on your days together. don't go buzzing off someware. spend some time at home. and a tidbit about deployments... stay close to family. I was releved by my hubby. I was in one place and he came to take my spot so I could go home while he stayed. it was hard. last year I broke my knee but the "Dr." couldn't figure out what was wrong... "great Dr. tell me more." and I was taken out of the A.F. and I still hang on to the moments I have with him. He is doing something small but all he is doing goes in to a big pic. and when he's just at work or has to do something and can't hang out.... go to a movie, make M.W. firends. I'm in the UK, I had a hard time as an A.F. member... not with half my friends working when I wanna hang out. life sucks but you are the one holding up a great man... We are back bones to the U.S.A mil! good luck!

At March 23, 2007 at 2:05 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jenn... I read your blog and seriously you can call me anytime it's Heather (from N.Roy), I went through this same thing with my best friend, it was horrible, I can't imagine being married or in love with someone and going through it... but i found that by keeping myself busy, time goes by a whole lot faster, you'll get through it and before you know it, he'll be out of the Army and you guys will be 80 and married with like 5 kids and you'll look back and be like omg, how did we do that? I promise, just hang in there! love ya!

At March 23, 2007 at 11:08 AM , Anonymous K said...

I understand what you are going thru completely. I was only 19 (going on 20 but my husband is 6 years older than I am) when I got married to my military man. My husband is now out of the military but when he was in, he was NEVER home. As for deployments, our son was only 4 months old when my husband left (only 6 months that time) & it was rough. I also moved away from home to a completely different state where I knew no one but by husband. You do survive & you do adjust. By the way, you do marry the military & they do have control over your life. My hubby had to get permission to get married! Shoot, now that my hubby is out & home all the time (when not at work), he bugs me half the time! :) Love him dearly though. You get thru all the hard stuff & come shining out on the other side.

At March 24, 2007 at 3:12 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Being a military wife is hard but i am so used to it. I grew up a navy brat, dad was 22 years in. Right now my husband and I live on seperate sides of the united states. I am in ME and he is In washington state. I have family here and it helps but I think in the past three years if you total up the times i have seen him it equals out to maybe 3 months. We got married in 05 and our daughter arrived in aug 06. Its hard living apart but we know its all worth it and he has 10 years in. The benifits outweight the negitives especially in a world of uncertian times. Good luck to u and im sure things will be fine. It takes a strong person to get married to military members.
and to all those out there that say they all cheat and they will, or have a rep for it can kiss it. there are some that cheat but there are more that love their spouses and never would.

At March 28, 2007 at 3:25 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

whats up

At March 29, 2007 at 1:25 PM , Blogger T_Taylor said...

hi... i've been watchin the show and you story i felt closely related 18 and just got married to someone in the military (navy)...were movin to hawaii next month which is a very long way from my home here in Virginia... than he will be goin straight out on deployment which will suck...but i kno its his job...but i guess all we and all the other military wives can do is cope with the situation we all choose... GOOD LUCK and CONGRATS on YOU MARRIAGE!!!

At March 29, 2007 at 7:51 PM , Anonymous Jessica said...

Hey Jen,
I am so sorry that it has been hard for you. I couldn't imagine Chad (my fiance) being gone for so long. He went to the beach over night once and I almost went crazy! I give you props, but you definately have my respect. My best friend is in the military and I know it in know way compares because he is not my spouse, but he is in iraq and i have not seen him since november, and it is hard because he was like a brother that took care of me. But I think you are a strong person and you will pull through and make it somehow. I am excited for you and your husband. What is it like being married so young? I am twenty and Chad and I are getting married in August of this year...hmm maybe i should apply to the show? LOL well I see it is tough but I believe it will work out. Good Luck!

At March 29, 2007 at 9:15 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Jen,
I really don't know what to tell you. I myself am about to experience being a military wife in less than a month. I am scared of being all alone in Germany while my husband will be working. I guess good luck and stay strong. I'll get back to you when I experince military life.

At March 29, 2007 at 10:38 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey jen- what's up? my name is tasha and i just want you to know that as hard as it is to be without it's true what they say: each day he's away is a day cloder to his return. I'm in the marine corps and a have 2 children. The first i was EVER on my own was when i went to boot camp. I had my first child at 19 and was a single mother until i met my husband.( 2 YEARS!!!!!) He LOVES my daughter like his own. But it was REALLY hard! My honey is also a marine and is gone on a 6-month deploymnet. It's VERY hard b/c they missed their father and it's only so many times i can explain that he's gone on an "special mission" for his job. But it is does get easier. Since we're both marines it's a little bit easier for me than you to relate to him about the problems and stress of being a marine. My advice to you is just LISTEN!!!! I know you're not going to have a CLUE what he's talking about sometimes; but just let him know that you're there. You can't express as freely in the military world as civilians. so if he wants to rant and let off some steam LET HIM!!!!! and remember it'd NOT directed towards you. SO SORRY SO LONG! But, i hope this helps.

a friend in the know

At March 30, 2007 at 7:44 AM , Anonymous Sarah Rose said...

Hey Jen whats up Nothing much here. I know what your going through hun. Honestly, I do. My fiancee is in Iraq right now and he will be coming home in a month so we can get married and then he's going right back out there for 9 months. So basically our first year of marriage will be apart. And the first year of marriage is usually the most important. And Im moving down to Georgia to set up our house for when he comes home. And I won't hardly know anyone.. I wont be able to come home to see my family either, it'll be hard for me. But I'll be around people in the same posistions as me, so I won't feel so alone. So I know where your coming from. Your not alone...

<3 Sarah Rose

At April 1, 2007 at 1:46 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey...i am 19 and also a military wife, my husband has been in iraq since sept made us stronger in our realtionship, THANK GOD hes getting out when he returns, my advice if when he deploys STAY BUSY, t makes it go by so fast..much luck to you, it gets easier

At April 1, 2007 at 5:53 PM , Blogger pfcFisksprincess said...

I married my soldier last the age of 18! So I kow what you are gowing through. It has probably been the hardest thing I have ever done. I was still in High we were apart until I graudated..then he deployed to Iraq. Being alone has been SO hard..but I look down at my wedding band and realize I married my ture very own Superman. I couldn't imagine things any other way! I also wanted to know if you have Myspace? Here is the link to my

At April 2, 2007 at 7:44 PM , Anonymous Jillian said...

i totally know what youre going through. My husband is in the Navy and I just moved to Great Lakes, IL with my husband and I dont see him Monday through Friday because he is on MANDO. And i dont know anyone here, so I'm all alone. I moved 2,000 miles and i'm just cleaning catching up on my HBO and pretty much going INSANE haha. When i see him is determined by people who we dont even know. We were together for 2 1/2 years before he left for bootcamp, we werent based on months apart and no talking, and all the sudden it was no communication with eachother for months. Its hard. You have the share the one you love with your country.
People dont know or understand what its like to live and love in the military unless they're living and loving it themselves. But its worth it. Its just really hard. I've been taken completely out of my environment and put in a place where I know nobody, and its hard. You come thinking youre gonna be with your love, and then SURPRISE, youre all alone. So it helps me to talk to girls that are in the same situation as I am in. It keeps me more sane than i would be if i talked to NO ONE about what I'm going through. Its weird because you think youre alone in the situation and you find people that are in the same position as you are in. its comforting.
If you have myspace heres my link:

it will get better...hopefully. if not then i'm going to go insane.
from one military wife to better get better!! :)

At April 2, 2007 at 10:45 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Youll make it through.
My husbands in the Navy and is a Trident submariner which means when he goes on deployment hes gone 3 months home 3 months but when hes gone, the ONLY communication we have is email and half the time its not very good (subs do not have normal internet like we do and surface ships do) theres no phone calls the whole time hes gone (no phones under the ocean lol) and we get a mail drop once in a blue moon.
Weve been married for 4 years and hes been in the Navy for 6 years, weve been through 5 deployments together he has had 8 in the 6 years hes been in.
Were on shore duty not Navy is nice in that way lol 4 years sea duty 3 years shore duty so right now hes working in a submarine repair shop and let me tell you i have been soo used to having him home 3 months gone 3 months that the last year on shore duty has been totally different cause hes home every day has no duty days lol hard to adjust and then in 08 we go back to sea duty so lol.

my myspace is
If you ever need to talk or have questions, I have a sister in law whos an E8 in the Army and shes married to an E9, kens father is an Army vet, so is his uncle, one of his other sisters and her husband were Army and another sister is married to an Air force guy, so i pretty much have the branches covered lmao

it will be ok hon it gets hard but youll make it

Military Spouses - The Difference
Over the years, I've talked a lot about military special
they are and the price they pay for freedom too. The funny thing about it,
is most military spouses don't consider themselves different from other
spouses. They do what they have to do, bound together not by blood or
merely friendship, but with a shared spirit whose origin is in the
very essence of what love truly is. Is there truly a difference? I think
there is. You have to decide for yourself.

Other spouses get married and look forward to building equity in a
home and putting down family roots. Military spouses get married and know
they'll live in base housing or rent, and their roots must be short so they
can be transplanted frequently.

Other spouses decorate a home with flair and personality that will
last a lifetime. Military spouses decorate a home with flare tempered with
the knowledge that no two base houses have the same size windows or same
size rooms. Curtains have to be flexible and multiple sets are a plus.
Furniture must fit like puzzle pieces.

Other spouses have living rooms that are immaculate and seldom used.
Military spouses have immaculate living room/dining room combos. The
coffee table got a scratch or two moving from Germany, but it still looks
pretty good.

Other spouses say good-bye to their spouse for a business trip and
know they won't see them for a week. They are lonely, but can survive.
Military spouses say good-bye to their deploying spouse and know they
won't see them for months, or for a remote, a year. They are lonely, but
will survive.

Other spouses, when a washer hose blows off, call Maytag and then
write a check out for getting the hose reconnected.
Military spouses will cut the water off and fix it themselves.

Other spouses get used to saying "hello" to friends they see all the
time. Military spouses get used to saying "good-bye" to friends made the
last two years.

Other spouses worry about whether their child will be class president
next year. Military spouses worry about whether their child will be
accepted in yet another new school next year and whether that school will
be the worst in the city...again.

Other spouses can count on spouse participation in special events
...birthdays, anniversaries, concerts, football games, graduation, and
even the birth of a child. Military spouses only count on each other;
because they realize that the Flag has to come first if freedom is to
survive. It has to be that way.

Other spouses put up yellow ribbons when the troops are imperiled
across the globe and take them down when the troops come home.
Military spouses wear yellow ribbons around their hearts and they
never go away.

Other spouses worry about being late for mom's Thanksgiving dinner.
Military spouses worry about getting back from Japan in time for dad's

And other spouses are touched by the television program showing an
elderly lady putting a card down in front of a long, black wall that has
on it. The card simply says "Happy Birthday, Sweetheart. You would have
been sixty today." A military spouse is the lady with the card. And the
wall is the Vietnam Memorial.

I would never say military spouses are better or worse than other spouses
are. But I will say there is a difference. And I will say that our
country asks more of military spouses than is asked of other spouses. And
I will say, without hesitation, that military spouses pay just as high a
price for freedom as do their active duty husbands or wives. Perhaps the
price they pay is even higher. Dying in service to our country isn't near as
hard as loving someone who has died in service to our country, and having
to live without them.

God bless our military spouses for all they freely give.
And God bless America.

By Colonel Steven Arrington (USAF)

At April 10, 2007 at 4:18 PM , Anonymous CHARMAINE said...


At April 13, 2007 at 8:57 PM , Anonymous Meaghan said...

I know it totally sucks right now, but things DO get better!!! I've been married to my Marine for a little over ten years now... I was 18 and he was 19 when we got married. My husband's been in and out of Iraq for a couple of years now, and it sucks majorly, but it also really does make you appreciate him more than you normally would! Military wives have it the hardest out of anyone, but we rock, and we're always there to support eachother!! Check out myspace groups - it's a really easy way of finding military wives in your area that are dealing with the same crap you are.

At April 13, 2007 at 8:58 PM , Anonymous Meaghan said...

I know it totally sucks right now, but things DO get better!!! I've been married to my Marine for a little over ten years now... I was 18 and he was 19 when we got married. My husband's been in and out of Iraq for a couple of years now, and it sucks majorly, but it also really does make you appreciate him more than you normally would! Military wives have it the hardest out of anyone, but we rock, and we're always there to support eachother!! Check out myspace groups - it's a really easy way of finding military wives in your area that are dealing with the same crap you are.

** our first duty station was in OKINAWA!!! Talk about long distance..

At April 16, 2007 at 3:44 PM , Anonymous heideh said...

Hey Jen,
I just wanted to let you know that once upon a time I was in your shoes. My hubby is in the navy and I was 19yrs old when we got married! Our 1st move was 3,000 miles away from home, and our next move was to japan. (In Japan he was deployed every cpl of months-leaving me there alone in a foreign country). It was hard to get use to all the transitions but we survived it together. Just keep that faith in your marriage and rememeber that your love is "worth waiting for".. Make good use of your time...and stay busy (go to school, work, and even do volunteer work). Build your own identity (outside of being a military wife) and give your life purpose...and your relationship will flourish. Keeping that in mind...learn as much u can about his job and stay involved in his command activities (ie spouses groups, fundraisers ect), SUPPORT his'll make both your lives easier. Well my of luck to you.
Marriage is WORK. Invest your time and your whole heart in it!
Its been 8yrs of marriage for me w/ my sailor. Hes about to be deployed yet again...
But You know what? For every tear of sadness and missing him that Ive had...its been match by 1000 tears of joy and laughter. I wouldnt trade him for the world. Ive stayed in-love with my husband our entire marriage.
I wish u the same happiness!

At April 21, 2007 at 7:59 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Jen!

My name is Renee and I don't normally blog on these types of things, but I'm a military wife and had some feedback for you. We've been married a little over 5 1/2 years. I am from Ohio too, actually pretty close to where you are from too. My husband is in the Navy, but we are currently stationed at an Army base, so he's pretty much in the Army now. We got married at 20 and we moved to Japan, so I understand how you feel about your family being asleep when you're awake and vice versa. I was 13 hours ahead of my family and friends. We are really close, too! After our time in Japan, we went to Italy. We were there for 3 years and didn't get to come back to Ohio at all. It was rough. We got to travel all over Asia and Europe. The military will provide you with so many opportunities you would never have had otherwise. Did you ever imagine you'd be living in Hawaii?!?!? [Especially after being born and raised in Ohio! :) ] My husband is on his second tour in Afghanistan. He came back and with less than 2 weeks notice, they deployed him again (1 1/2 months early!). I'm sure it will get easier, although I cannot promise that, but it's definitely worth it. I will tell you, in the end, it's totally worth it. We appreciate our husbands more. We don't take even one second with them for granted. In the Navy, when it comes to families, they say "your Sailor was not issued a wife in his seabag". It's not that Navy (or any branch doesn't care about families), they just think the job comes first. My heart is so swollen with pride when I think of what my husband (and yours) is doing. Not many people are lucky enough say they are married to a hero, so don't take that for granted. Remember each day why you married and why you love him. Start a list of what you love about and each day, add another reason. Sneak it into his bag before he deploys, so when he gets there, he has something from you. Also, buy one of those small flimsy photo albums from Walmart and put pictures of you guys in it, along with other family and friends and slip that in his bag, too. I did that for my husband and he appreciated it more than I will ever fully understand. I know it's hard and it is sometimes lonely, but know that you have the support of your family (even though they are far away in Ohio) and countless other women that you will never even meet. It is very important to have friends that are military, but also have some civilian friends, so when you just need a little time away from the military, you can get that. Wives are such a wonderful support group for each other. Something that I have learned is to make friends with wives that don't complain about their husbands being gone too much. It makes it harder and brings you down, too. It's important that you also can support each other if the other is having a hard day, but try to surround yourself with positive people. If you go to an FRG wive support group meeting and they spend the whole time complaining about their husband being gone and telling horror stories, find some new people to hang out with. Because, girl, your deployment will be a lot harder if you are surrounded by those types of people. (Most FRG's have fun activities and keep a positive attitude!). Be prepared to fight a little more before he deploys. It's part of the deployment cycle. You will fight to try to detach yourself from each other because you think that will make it easier to say good-bye. But, it doesn't. Because, you realize what you said was mean and the fight was just stupid, and you will probably end up feeling worse. My husband and I have learned to never say good-bye. We say "see you later" when he deploys. It brings a sense to peace to both of us. Jen, as a military wife, you will do things you never thought possible. You will be stronger and braver than you ever imagined. Often I have shocked myself with what I was able to accomplish and do. Remember, you are not alone. Keep your chin up and if you ever need anyone, we are ALL here for you. We are a military family and we are in it together- for better or for worse!!! Take care and God bless!

Proud US Navy Wife

At April 21, 2007 at 8:09 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Military Wife's Prayer

Give me greatness of heart to see,
The difference between duty and love for me.

Give me understanding so that I may know,
When duty calls him, he must go.

Give me a task to do each day,
To fill the time when he's away.

When he's in a foreign land,
Keep him safe in your loving hand.

And Lord, when duty is in the field,
Please protect him and be his shield.

And Lord, when deployment is so long,
Please stay with me and keep me strong.

At June 14, 2007 at 9:41 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Jen,

from a guys point of view - The hours are long and the days are empty except for duty to our country and thoughs of the ones we leave behind- the memories help keep us going - we try not to think of what might be happening at home. We pray that our love will survive the crazyness - and our empty nights our filled with lonliness and wanting for the ones we love. not being able to touch - to hold - only to dream and remeber - the smiles left behind - the fragerance upon the wind that reminds us of the ones we love and hidden tears that our comrads cant see -
we miss you too.

At June 25, 2007 at 10:28 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey I just got Married December 29th and we have barely made it 6 months with our military marriage and now he is deploying to Iraq and I am terrified! So many of his friends have come home changed and broke up. We are so used to being with each other for over a year we woke up next to each other everyday and now I am adjusting to being without him and it is almost unbearable. I have to be strong. I have faith in us. He is a strong person and I know our love for each other is stronger so hang in there..have faith.

At June 28, 2007 at 12:55 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought you guys were the cutest couple. You guys worked through a lot and i had the most faith in you guys. Hang in there. Im sure it'll get easier


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home